January 3, 2014
Those immortal lines uttered by Marlon Brando, playing Terry Malloy, in “On the Waterfront”.
I used to quote those lines to a former boss when we would stumble across something old that we had written or when we were reliving a memory of the days when colleagues came to us looking for answers. We’d reminisce about how we were treated with respect and our words carried weight – we were “somebody”. Those were the days.
With the sweep of a hand and a change in leadership, the respect, and everything that went along with it, was gone. We were the keepers of historical knowledge in an organization that didn’t appreciate its true value. We saw ourselves as being guardians but our contemporaries saw us as the ancients who clung to the past.
I’ve had a long career. I’ve been working for over 35 years. I started out as a file clerk and leapfrogged up the administrative ladder by changing jobs every two years. I stayed in a job as long as I was learning and making money. As soon as I learned everything, or got bored, I’d look for a better opportunity. I repeated that pattern for almost 25 years. In 1999 I found a great job with a start-up merchant banking firm. I was the senior EA. I was the queen bee and could finally put all of the things I learned into action. That Christmas, my boss took me aside and told me that he had a lot to deliver in 2000 and that his new year’s resolution was to be “the prick of the year”. He said that he hoped I was around at the end of the year to see what he had accomplished.
As we moved through 2000, the pace at work picked up. True to his word, my boss was well on his way to fulfilling his resolution. I kept working harder. My husband (who is now my ex-husband) kept telling me to leave because I was working too hard and he thought I was going to have a heart attack. The tasks became more menial and, dare I say, degrading. But I was a professional and I wasn’t going to give up. I didn’t take lunch, worked 12 hour days, stayed to 10pm on Friday nights to “get caught up” and repeated that cycle every week. That Christmas everybody was given a copy of “Who Moved My Cheese” and we were told to read it. I went on vacation and started thinking that perhaps it was time to jump ship. I decided that I had had enough of being a personal assistant and reached out to a few placement agencies.
When I came back, I was greeted with a handshake and a cheque. I was told they were going through a re-organization – that’s code for “we don’t want you here anymore so we’re giving you a cheque to go away”. I was devastated. I had sold my soul for quarterly bonuses. I ran every errand my boss gave me – from booking his hair appointments to babysitting his 3 year old daughter while he went to meetings to buying toenail clippers. I didn’t understand. I thought I was doing everything right. I thought I was meeting and exceeding expectations. The only conclusion that I could reach was that I was wrong and I was let go because I was the worst executive assistant ever. I was also burnt out and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I didn’t see the situation for what it truly was. It is hard to be objective when you’re in the middle of the storm.
Coincidentally, I had scheduled an interview with an agency on the afternoon of the day I was let go. I was going to tell my boss I had a dentist appointment. So, in retrospect, he saved me the trouble of lying to him and he saved me from having to jump ship by pushing me off of it. I found out later that I was replaced by three people. Yes, I was doing the equivalent of three people’s work. For the longest time, I was proud that I had the skills and ability to function at that level. It was only years later that I realized that I had been taken advantage of by saving that company two salaries for two years.
So there I was with no job and a cheque. My now ex-husband wanted me to take time off. He told me I had earned the opportunity to relax. A week later his company went through a restructuring and he was out of a job too. He decided to take his own advice and explore his options. I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t raised that way and I knew that cheque wasn’t going to last forever. So I started temping. I was earning half of what I used to make. But I was working. A few months later, a temp-to-perm assignment went permanent and I was working for a Chief Operating Officer. I had leapfrogged up another administrative rung. I was back!
I’ve been with the same company for almost 13 years. That’s a milestone for somebody like me. But, to be honest, I’ve changed jobs seven times within that company. And, before you do the math, the first 2 jobs lasted 3 years a piece. The next 5 were the “quick changes”.
Throughout my whole career I changed jobs to assume greater responsibility, salary and status. Ironically, in my 13 years with this company, my career has been on a steady downward trajectory. I literally started at the near-top and I am now an EA to two Vice Presidents and the four people who work for those two VPs. I started out working for one person. Now I’m a “shared resource”, reporting to one person and answering to six. I was a pro-active EA with great instincts. Now I’m an EA who waits for people to give her things to do. I had a boss who valued what I brought to our working relationship. Now I have six people who have never had an EA and have no clue what to do with one. I was sought out by my fellow EAs for advice and ideas. Now nobody wants to hear a word I say. But, as Neil Diamond wrote, “Used to be’s don’t count anymore. They just lay on the floor ‘til we sweep them away”. Okay, he was writing about lost love but that holds true for my career.
It was hard to accept that things were different. For a long while, I frequently used the phrases “When I worked for the COO…” or “When I supported the Board of Directors…..” I think I sounded like a broken record but I believed I had to keep reminding people that I was still that person. I was still capable of being at the top. I still had my legs and I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. When I look at my career – I wonder why I let this happen. The person from 13 years ago took risks. When did I stop focusing on what I would gain and start worrying about what I had to lose? I look around me and see that I have nothing of material value. I don’t live a lavish lifestyle. I have debt and bills to pay and that’s what I work for.
Today I was talking to a friend and she asked me about being a proactive EA versus a reactive one. I compared the proactive EA of my past to the reactive EA in my current role. I spoke about my ability to be a mind-reader, know what my boss wanted and deliver it – on time and, usually, without breaking a sweat. I explained how being reactive was foreign and went against every fiber of my being. I compared it to being right-handed and having to write with my left-hand. My friend asked how I knew I was successful as a proactive EA. I replied, “My boss was happy.” She asked me how I knew when I was happy. I said that it was when my boss was happy.
As we dug deeper into the concept of proactive versus reactive, I realized that being proactive and anticipating every possible outcome of my boss’s wants and needs was exhausting and, in a way, babying a senior executive. After all, these were grown adults who were making key decisions in a large organization. Did I really have to tell them where the nearest Starbucks was when they were travelling? Were they not truly capable of figuring that out on their own or asking the hotel concierge? More importantly, I realized that not having to anticipate and focus on everybody else was forcing me out of a comfort zone and enabling me to focus only on fulfilling my wants and needs.
I didn’t start out wanting to be an EA. I stumbled into that profession. I didn’t know what else to do and when the opportunity presented itself I figured I’d give it a try. And I was good at it. I spent so much of my EA life working harder and longer than everybody else so that I could prove that I was capable of more. And the more I accomplished, the more my bosses gave me. I wore my work ethic like a badge of honour. But I also spent all of my energy pleasing others instead of pleasing myself. Everybody else was the priority. Their wants became my wants and pleasing them pleased me. I now realize that I was putting everybody’s needs ahead of my own. It didn’t get me anywhere and, if I am being truly honest with myself, I wasn’t really happy.
I spent a lot of time mourning what I used to be. But in the past year I’ve been given a great opportunity to embark on a new career. The team that doesn’t know what to do with an EA knows what to do with somebody who is willing to learn. I’m learning about myself every day and I’m discovering who I really am and what I will and won’t put up with. I’m getting comfortable in my own skin. I wish I had been this secure and self-aware 15 years ago. That boss would have had to buy his own toenail clippers.
Diary of a DOW 