February 27, 2018 –
It’s been a while……It’s not like I’ve been too busy to write. If anything – not much was going on. I just didn’t have the desire to write.
My sister and niece’s visit came to an end. They left their cat with my mom and I until they could return. Their return was planned for last week to see my brother play an acoustic set. Unfortunately, upon their return to Toronto, they learned that they couldn’t get the time off. No new date has been proposed. My colleagues keep joking that I’ve just inherited a cat. Mom loves the cat but when I suggested that she might become permanent, she bellowed “No” before I could finish the sentence. Mom is threatening to ship her back in a box.
My cat, Spike, passed away a month ago. She had kidney disease. I missed the signs that her health was failing. I thought her distant behaviour was because we had another cat in the house. I finally noticed that the other cat was eating Spike’s food. When I tried to get her to eat she wouldn’t. A trip to the vet the next day confirmed that she was dying and, if I had waited any longer, she would have died at home. He said she was making her choice and there was nothing that could be done. So, with mom by my side, we said our goodbyes.
I bought a new car. Mom was having trouble getting in and out of the CRV. I knew it was just a matter of time before I’d have to downsize. I had been receiving emails from my car dealership with a great trade in plan. So I brought my car in and they offered me top dollar for it. It’s my second brand new car – ever. I was so excited when I picked it up. I still am. But, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about the higher payments and higher insurance and how much of the purchase was for me and how much was for my mom.
Mom threw a bit of a temper tantrum a few weeks ago. I was late getting home from work. She asked me if I could live on my own because she thought it was time for her to move into assisted living. She had had a bad day – the cat had puked on her bed and she had to wash everything. She couldn’t get her fitted sheet back onto the bed and I wasn’t home to help. Yes, she could have just waited until I got home. Yes, I should have called. I told her to call whomever she needed to call and get on waiting lists and she could decide when her name came up. I haven’t heard anything since – clearly a tantrum. But it got me thinking about my financial situation. I did the math and I can live on my own but it would be very tight. I could sell the trailer and move into more affordable apartment. But not many places take pets. My dog is 12 (almost 13) and I just can’t see putting him down or surrendering him.
My friend, who is a life coach, is starting her own business and was looking for clients. I circulated her email to two of my friends. In the course of her and I exchanging emails, I shared how depressing things are right now. She’s offered to coach me – help me get unstuck. Stay tuned.
Another friend is turning 40 this year. She wants to walk the Camino and asked me to join her. Sadly I had to turn her down. I don’t have the funds. I’m in no shape to walk 20km a day. Saddest of all, I don’t have anybody that can check in on mom while I’m away. My brother and sister can’t even bother to phone. How can I count on them to physically take her out a few nights? So I had to pass. I told her that I knew somebody who had walked it and I’d meet up to pick his brain. It was great seeing him. Retirement agreed with him – made me wish I was retiring soon. He gave me quite a few tips. Basically it came down to: do your research and decide what kind of walk will work for you. Simple. I shared everything with my friend and also kept my notes for when I decide I’m going to do it. Probably 2020.
Glad to see January and February going. Looking forward to longer days and better weather. And maybe more writing.
Diary of a DOW 