October 18, 2019 – I support a senior executive. I’ve been in my role for 8 months. In fact, today is my 8 month anniversary.
My exec and I have a daily routine. We sit down each morning and review his calendar for the day. I provide him with all of his material for the day. We allow 1/2 hour for the review. He’ll provide me a status update on what’s on his plate and I do the same. It’s also my opportunity to ask questions, and try to get anything urgent in front of him. His schedule is “crazy busy”. In the past few months, the 1/2 hour has been shaved to 5 minutes. Some days I don’t even get that. He’s also travelling a lot more.
This morning, we finished the run through and my exec got up from his desk and shut his door. He sat down and asked me how things were going. This was totally unexpected. He said that he had noticed in the past few weeks that I wasn’t myself. It was a conversation I had been hoping to have for months but I was still unprepared. I stammered. I told him that it had been a rough few weeks. He had taken on an additional role (outside of his ‘day job’) and his schedule had, in his words “blown up”. I acknowledged that it had been tough but that I was regaining my footing. I also said that the last little while had been made more difficult because I didn’t really have anybody to talk to or lean on. I had no “office friends”. So it was a bit lonely. I said that it came with the territory and that I was used to it.
I pointed out that I’d been in the role for 8 months and that I was still trying to figure him out. I told him about a webinar I was taking about supporting entrepreneurial executives. I said that I was hoping it might give me some ideas. I talked about personality/working style tests I had taken at different companies and how they could be used to help us work together. He said he had taken those when he was in school. I said they were a great team building activity and, since he was hiring a new manager, it might be worthwhile to do. He said he’d think about it.
I said that I knew we were both counting on his previous manager to help us learn to work together. She had been his EA and he promoted her. She quit 2 weeks after I started. He nodded and said “Yes, I think we were. There’s her and there’s not her. And you’re not her.”
After being in the job for 2 months, I tried to talk to him about the fact that I didn’t think we were connecting. I even scheduled a meeting. He cancelled it – he was too busy. After that, I tried on multiple times to have this conversation with him. He was never open. I tried different things to try to organize and help him. He wasn’t receptive. I noticed that he wasn’t including me in key conversations. I was left feeling like I was on the outside looking in. Cliché but true. I couldn’t figure out why. And, 6 months later, I had the answer to my question – you’re not her.
I didn’t know what to say. I stood up and said “On that note, I’ll let you get ready for your next meeting. It’s in 5 minutes.”
I spent the rest of the day processing what he had said. I think I went through the 7 stages of grief in record time. My exec left early that day and told me to have a great weekend. I was till processing. I smiled, nodded and said “You too.”
I wasn’t her…. I was me. I had been very frank during the hiring process. I wasn’t going to be “Her 2.0”. We were all on the same page – or so I thought. 8 months later I found out the exact opposite.
I left work that day wondering how I could have misread things. I also resolved that, while I couldn’t be her, I was going to show him that I had a lot to offer.
Diary of a DOW 