Overwhelmed?

December 17, 2020 – Today a colleague asked me if I was overwhelmed. I thanked her for asking and was about to answer, “Yes.” but our conversation got interrupted.

I thought about her question on my ride home. Was I overwhelmed because I had taken on a task where I didn’t have a lot of knowledge?

I had offered to help out another department. I offered to make phone calls. Why did I offer? The Clerk, who was responsible for ensuring the files were ready for the meeting, had asked a couple of times what my boss wanted done with the files. I said I didn’t know. After the second time, I went and asked her. It turned out that my boss wanted all of her meetings by phone. So, feeling guilty that this person was now going to be under pressure to call of these people, I offered to do it. I stayed late and sent out a whole bunch of notification emails.

I came into work this morning and I sent the Clerk an update email. I let her know what all of the responses were. I was in a good position and I was ready to wrap up what I had started last night. Then the wheels came off of the cart. People were calling and emailing and asking questions. Questions that I couldn’t answer. I would ask the Clerk what to do. She was not helpful. She wouldn’t answer any questions.

Later in the afternoon, the Clerk came up to my office and wanted to sort through the files. She was the one who interrupted the conversation with my colleague. She hadn’t given me any notice that she was coming – just showed up. I wasn’t as prepared as I could have been. She was kind of aggressive about it. She was pulling files off of my desk. Naturally, there were files on my desk that weren’t related to her. It’s not like I had a lot of files, but it was enough to confuse the both of us. I kept worrying that the files that didn’t belong to her would get mixed up. Thankfully, she was happy with how things looked and she left.

I took a deep breath and reviewed everything to make sure the files were complete. I had made some notes for each file. I emailed them to her in case she needed them. She phoned me and asked me why I emailed the notes to her. I explained that the notes had all of the contact information she would need and also had any notes I had made. I said that this would save her shuffling through the files. She thanked me and hung up.

I sorted through the files one more time and then placed them in my boss’s office. I cleaned up my desk, packed up my things and headed home.

As I drove, I started wondering why the colleague thought I was overwhelmed. I know I looked frazzled when she came into my office. I had spent the day fielding calls and emails and telling people, “I don’t know. You’ll need to call the Clerk.” And when I would ask the Clerk for advice she was not helpful. So, yes, I was not my calm self. I was embarrassed because I had spent the day admitting my lack of knowledge. I was frustrated because, once again, I had taken on a task that, on the surface, appeared to be quite simple but, in the end, it had become complicated.

I realized that I had sat at my desk all day feeling like I knew nothing. I felt like I was in the deep end of the pool and the people I was hoping to count on wouldn’t throw me a life preserver. I started wondering how I ended up with this job. I didn’t have any experience. I realized that thinking that I was in the deep end of the pool was wrong. I wasn’t in over my head. It’s just that I was swimming in a new lane.